![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Dear Chocolatier 2017
Jan. 2nd, 2018 01:31 amDear Chocolatier,
First of all, thank you so much for writing for me, and I'm so sorry this took a while to get posted--I've been visiting family and travelling, and then came home to a surprise pest control visit that took me out of my apartment for the day, so things have been a bit hectic. Please take this letter as more of a guideline than anything...I'm sure I will love whatever you write.
Hard DNWs: A/B/O. Onscreen rape. High school or college AUs, groupchat fics, any fic that is explicitly about a character's sexuality or mental illness and nothing else. Kink DNWs: incest, ageplay, watersports, scat, inflation, breeding.
A few general notes:
I'm requesting fic for everything but welcome art treats, and I'm not picky about style or level of explicit content--I enjoy everything from porn to fluffy gen. If you're looking for inspiration, try my tumblr, AO3, or gifts page.
General likes: H/C. Friends to lovers. Enemies to friends to lovers. Hate sex. People learning to work together and respect each other in the face of adversity. People learning to be loved. Mentorship. Complicated and ambiguous relationships. Found families, especially if everything isn't smooth sailing once the families are found. Adventure. Metafiction. People realizing they're capable of more than they thought. Disabled and/or queer people finding happiness. People living good lives after trauma without erasing the fact that the trauma happened. Fic that incorporates politics. Spies. Loyalty/fealty kink. Epistolary and other non-traditional formats.
Sex likes: Tender lovemaking and sex as combat, possibly at the same time. Power dynamics. Roleplay, though if you go that route I would prefer the characters themselves be having fun with it and not take it too seriously. BDSM, both formal and not, though please no A/B/O or ageplay. Polyamory and kink negotiations. Sex where all partners think they're the only ones it means anything to, but really everyone is pining for each other. Cunnilingus. Spanking. Service topping. Orgasm control. Praise kink. Impact play. Sensation play.
Fandoms:
( Hamilton--Miranda )
( Shameless--US )
( A Little Life--Hanya Yanagihara )
( Crossover fandoms )
First of all, thank you so much for writing for me, and I'm so sorry this took a while to get posted--I've been visiting family and travelling, and then came home to a surprise pest control visit that took me out of my apartment for the day, so things have been a bit hectic. Please take this letter as more of a guideline than anything...I'm sure I will love whatever you write.
Hard DNWs: A/B/O. Onscreen rape. High school or college AUs, groupchat fics, any fic that is explicitly about a character's sexuality or mental illness and nothing else. Kink DNWs: incest, ageplay, watersports, scat, inflation, breeding.
A few general notes:
I'm requesting fic for everything but welcome art treats, and I'm not picky about style or level of explicit content--I enjoy everything from porn to fluffy gen. If you're looking for inspiration, try my tumblr, AO3, or gifts page.
General likes: H/C. Friends to lovers. Enemies to friends to lovers. Hate sex. People learning to work together and respect each other in the face of adversity. People learning to be loved. Mentorship. Complicated and ambiguous relationships. Found families, especially if everything isn't smooth sailing once the families are found. Adventure. Metafiction. People realizing they're capable of more than they thought. Disabled and/or queer people finding happiness. People living good lives after trauma without erasing the fact that the trauma happened. Fic that incorporates politics. Spies. Loyalty/fealty kink. Epistolary and other non-traditional formats.
Sex likes: Tender lovemaking and sex as combat, possibly at the same time. Power dynamics. Roleplay, though if you go that route I would prefer the characters themselves be having fun with it and not take it too seriously. BDSM, both formal and not, though please no A/B/O or ageplay. Polyamory and kink negotiations. Sex where all partners think they're the only ones it means anything to, but really everyone is pining for each other. Cunnilingus. Spanking. Service topping. Orgasm control. Praise kink. Impact play. Sensation play.
Fandoms:
( Hamilton--Miranda )
( Shameless--US )
( A Little Life--Hanya Yanagihara )
( Crossover fandoms )
Yuletide letter 2017
Oct. 8th, 2017 08:41 pmDear Yuletide writer,
First of all, thank you so much for writing for me, and I apologize that this letter is so late coming up! No matter what, I'm sure I'll love whatever you decide to go with, so the most important thing is to relax and have fun!
General likes: as far as ships go, I like gen, het, femslash, and OTwhatever. H/c, complicated relationship dynamics, whether family, friendship, or romanitc. I'm comfortable with all explicitness levels or none. I enjoy AUs, alternate settings, interpolations of canon, or crack. If you like D/s and dubcon, I'm a fan of that as well, though don't feel obligated to go there by any means. I'm a sucker for complicated worldbuilding and humour
DNW: A/B/O. Onscreen rape. High school AUs, groupchat fics, any fic that is explicitly about a character's sexuality or mental illness and nothing else, character or ship bashing. Although I love angst, I prefer happy or at least hopeful endings.
If you want to know more about me, feel free to check out my tumblr, which is @herowndeliverance, or my ao3 page.
Fandom-specific thoughts:
Master Song: since this the five-minute fandom of my heart (it's a Leonard Cohen song) this might be a good request to do if you're stuck on any of the others, so we'll start here. As I said, I have wanted fic of this song for years, but keep forgetting to request it, so anything in this fandom would delight me, and there's so many angles you could take it. The first and most obvious is the complicated relationship between the three characters: the narrator seems to be the prisoner, but also to have been involved with the Master and You--his lines speak of familiarity with them all, and it almost seems like he was their lover or their teacher or both. He narrates their relationship as if he knows all about it, why? When the master fails, what does that mean? Why does the master choose to make his bed of snow?
I'm also fascinated by both the religious and science fictional imagery in this song, so if you want to do something with either or both, that would be lovely. Has the girl actually been to the moon? What war did the master come back from? As a wheelchair user, I'm fascinated by the master being 'just a numberless man in a chair who had just come back from the war' and him flying his airplane without any hands, if you want to incorporate those. Basically, anything goes, have fun!
The Handmaid's Tale: As you know, I requested Offred and Serena Joy (or preferably, Offred/Serena Joy.) I think their relationship really drives the show, and I would love to see it explored further. They're both bitter and driven and trapped in their own way, by Fred, by Gilead, and by each other, and they're both painfully aware they need each other to survive and hate that. Serena in the finale was one of the most chilling things I have ever seen on television, and June's rage in response made it clear there will be a reckoning, and yet there's also moments of sympathy and grace between them. There's so many places these two could go--I would love to see a missing moment, a post S1 examination of them working together, an AU where they met earlier and ended up on the same side, whichever side that happened to be. And if you want to go the Yuleporn route, that would be more than fine with me, especially if June is the one in control.
DNW: too much focus on the men, unless it's a focus on them murdering the men. If you want to include any of the other female characters, that's fine!
A Little Life: I basically left one prompt in my signup, which I feel bad about, so don't feel you have to stick to it. Basically, I love this book for its idealized portrait of friendship, but I felt Malcolm and JB especially didn't get room to be real people with wants and needs. I would love a fic that made room for that for either or both of them, as well as Harold. As a trauma survivor, it's also really important to me to see people recovering (which, I get why the book didn't go that way, but I would love to see a fic that did.) Don't feel you have to include every character I put either. I just love this book but also want to see more from it, you know?
DNW: Harold/Jude.
Thank you again for writing me! I hope you enjoy your Yuletide! <3
First of all, thank you so much for writing for me, and I apologize that this letter is so late coming up! No matter what, I'm sure I'll love whatever you decide to go with, so the most important thing is to relax and have fun!
General likes: as far as ships go, I like gen, het, femslash, and OTwhatever. H/c, complicated relationship dynamics, whether family, friendship, or romanitc. I'm comfortable with all explicitness levels or none. I enjoy AUs, alternate settings, interpolations of canon, or crack. If you like D/s and dubcon, I'm a fan of that as well, though don't feel obligated to go there by any means. I'm a sucker for complicated worldbuilding and humour
DNW: A/B/O. Onscreen rape. High school AUs, groupchat fics, any fic that is explicitly about a character's sexuality or mental illness and nothing else, character or ship bashing. Although I love angst, I prefer happy or at least hopeful endings.
If you want to know more about me, feel free to check out my tumblr, which is @herowndeliverance, or my ao3 page.
Fandom-specific thoughts:
Master Song: since this the five-minute fandom of my heart (it's a Leonard Cohen song) this might be a good request to do if you're stuck on any of the others, so we'll start here. As I said, I have wanted fic of this song for years, but keep forgetting to request it, so anything in this fandom would delight me, and there's so many angles you could take it. The first and most obvious is the complicated relationship between the three characters: the narrator seems to be the prisoner, but also to have been involved with the Master and You--his lines speak of familiarity with them all, and it almost seems like he was their lover or their teacher or both. He narrates their relationship as if he knows all about it, why? When the master fails, what does that mean? Why does the master choose to make his bed of snow?
I'm also fascinated by both the religious and science fictional imagery in this song, so if you want to do something with either or both, that would be lovely. Has the girl actually been to the moon? What war did the master come back from? As a wheelchair user, I'm fascinated by the master being 'just a numberless man in a chair who had just come back from the war' and him flying his airplane without any hands, if you want to incorporate those. Basically, anything goes, have fun!
The Handmaid's Tale: As you know, I requested Offred and Serena Joy (or preferably, Offred/Serena Joy.) I think their relationship really drives the show, and I would love to see it explored further. They're both bitter and driven and trapped in their own way, by Fred, by Gilead, and by each other, and they're both painfully aware they need each other to survive and hate that. Serena in the finale was one of the most chilling things I have ever seen on television, and June's rage in response made it clear there will be a reckoning, and yet there's also moments of sympathy and grace between them. There's so many places these two could go--I would love to see a missing moment, a post S1 examination of them working together, an AU where they met earlier and ended up on the same side, whichever side that happened to be. And if you want to go the Yuleporn route, that would be more than fine with me, especially if June is the one in control.
DNW: too much focus on the men, unless it's a focus on them murdering the men. If you want to include any of the other female characters, that's fine!
A Little Life: I basically left one prompt in my signup, which I feel bad about, so don't feel you have to stick to it. Basically, I love this book for its idealized portrait of friendship, but I felt Malcolm and JB especially didn't get room to be real people with wants and needs. I would love a fic that made room for that for either or both of them, as well as Harold. As a trauma survivor, it's also really important to me to see people recovering (which, I get why the book didn't go that way, but I would love to see a fic that did.) Don't feel you have to include every character I put either. I just love this book but also want to see more from it, you know?
DNW: Harold/Jude.
Thank you again for writing me! I hope you enjoy your Yuletide! <3
Letter to follow soon!
[eta 9/12/15] I left this so long I almost wasn't going to do it, but I saw my prompts go out on the pinch hit list this morning, and so I thought I would write up something quick. If you have an idea that has nothing to do with anything here, please use it, pinch-hitter! Thank you so much for taking my prompt, and original writer, I'm so sorry if my lack of letter contributed to your default. I'm sure I will love anything you write!
I like: H/C. Angst, preferably with hopeful ending. Families of choice. People finding families. People building families. Ladies. Lady friendships. F/F, M/M, F/M. Ridiculous AUs in spaaaace or other time periods or anything like that (if kink is your thing, I have a terrible fondness for BDSM AUs and slavefic, but these are not required.) Power dynamics generally. Any level of explicitness, from sexless gen to NSFW kinky porn. People doing their best. Brave last stands. Humour. Meta.
I'll just write a couple quick things about the specific fandoms, mostly DNW.
Under Jurisdiction--I love the worldbuilding, and Ailynn, and her strength. Anything that expands on any of these would be welcome. No real DNWs for this fandom, it's pretty out there as it is. Only please do not make the ending despairing.
The Goblin Emperor--I love everything about this book but especially the kindness. If you want to pair Csethiro and Vedero, I'm down for that but please make it a poly V type situation where Maia and Csethiro are in love too...no cheating please. Basically, intellectual ladies.
A Sparkle to the Wrist--if you chose this prompt you probably already know what you want to write. Let it be so.
Six Feet Under--I love this show and how life-affirming and dark it manages to be at the same time. I like all the characters, but please focus on David and Keith, or anyone but Nate and his whiny selfishness, we got enough of that in the show.
Newsroom--More ladies doing news, less Will McAvoy's manpain. I am a political journo IRL, and none of us have time for that crap. Seriously, don't these people have deadlines of any kind? I am fine with canon ships or femslash, and I love the boys too, but they should not be the focus.
Really. I will love anything you write. Thank you so much for taking my prompt.
[eta 9/12/15] I left this so long I almost wasn't going to do it, but I saw my prompts go out on the pinch hit list this morning, and so I thought I would write up something quick. If you have an idea that has nothing to do with anything here, please use it, pinch-hitter! Thank you so much for taking my prompt, and original writer, I'm so sorry if my lack of letter contributed to your default. I'm sure I will love anything you write!
I like: H/C. Angst, preferably with hopeful ending. Families of choice. People finding families. People building families. Ladies. Lady friendships. F/F, M/M, F/M. Ridiculous AUs in spaaaace or other time periods or anything like that (if kink is your thing, I have a terrible fondness for BDSM AUs and slavefic, but these are not required.) Power dynamics generally. Any level of explicitness, from sexless gen to NSFW kinky porn. People doing their best. Brave last stands. Humour. Meta.
I'll just write a couple quick things about the specific fandoms, mostly DNW.
Under Jurisdiction--I love the worldbuilding, and Ailynn, and her strength. Anything that expands on any of these would be welcome. No real DNWs for this fandom, it's pretty out there as it is. Only please do not make the ending despairing.
The Goblin Emperor--I love everything about this book but especially the kindness. If you want to pair Csethiro and Vedero, I'm down for that but please make it a poly V type situation where Maia and Csethiro are in love too...no cheating please. Basically, intellectual ladies.
A Sparkle to the Wrist--if you chose this prompt you probably already know what you want to write. Let it be so.
Six Feet Under--I love this show and how life-affirming and dark it manages to be at the same time. I like all the characters, but please focus on David and Keith, or anyone but Nate and his whiny selfishness, we got enough of that in the show.
Newsroom--More ladies doing news, less Will McAvoy's manpain. I am a political journo IRL, and none of us have time for that crap. Seriously, don't these people have deadlines of any kind? I am fine with canon ships or femslash, and I love the boys too, but they should not be the focus.
Really. I will love anything you write. Thank you so much for taking my prompt.
(no subject)
May. 23rd, 2015 07:47 pm*crawls out from under rock*
So. Hi.
No idea if I'll be back to posting here regularly or not, but I'm feeling...a certain desire, as school comes to a close, to have a presence again. I say 'have a presence' and wince--j-school's done a number on me and made me wwant to hide, with the expectation of constant social media activity that somehow 'builds your brand' and 'shows off your voice' while also never, ever saying anything objectionable, because that might cost you a job. But lately I've been posting on forums instead of lurking on them. I've been watching this RP since the beginning--HP Alternity--and only now in its last weeks can I bring myself to join with the other fen in speculation. I am leaving comments on (some) fanfics instead of lurking. I find myself missing the writers' chatroom I used to hang out in, though haven't had the nerve yet to go back.
Maybe instead of having a presence I just want to be present. Want to be. We'll see where it goes.
I was going to post a long, rambling update, but it boils down to: many things have changed, but most things are the same. I am not done yet.
How are you?
So. Hi.
No idea if I'll be back to posting here regularly or not, but I'm feeling...a certain desire, as school comes to a close, to have a presence again. I say 'have a presence' and wince--j-school's done a number on me and made me wwant to hide, with the expectation of constant social media activity that somehow 'builds your brand' and 'shows off your voice' while also never, ever saying anything objectionable, because that might cost you a job. But lately I've been posting on forums instead of lurking on them. I've been watching this RP since the beginning--HP Alternity--and only now in its last weeks can I bring myself to join with the other fen in speculation. I am leaving comments on (some) fanfics instead of lurking. I find myself missing the writers' chatroom I used to hang out in, though haven't had the nerve yet to go back.
Maybe instead of having a presence I just want to be present. Want to be. We'll see where it goes.
I was going to post a long, rambling update, but it boils down to: many things have changed, but most things are the same. I am not done yet.
How are you?
Dear Yuletide Writer 2014
Oct. 26th, 2014 01:46 pmDearest Yuletide Writer,
Thank you so much for agreeing to write a story for me! I hope you enjoy your assignment. Please keep in mind that more than anything, I want you to have a good time, so feel free to ignore anything I have to say here and write what you want (paying attention to what is really DNW for me; more on that below.)
My likes: hurt/comfort. Witty banter. Loyalty to the end. Silliness and fluff. Darkness and angst (though for Yuletide I prefer my angst have a happy ending.) Gen. Slash. Het. Well-done poly relationships. AUs. Crossovers. Well-done exploration of power dynamics, both sexual and non-sexual. Fic about academics. Fic about outsiders finding a place to belong. Friends to lovers. Enemies to lovers. WRT sex, plese be as explicit or not as you want--I love sex scenes, but I also love gen with no sex whatsoever, and anything in between!
( Read more... )
Thank you so much for agreeing to write a story for me! I hope you enjoy your assignment. Please keep in mind that more than anything, I want you to have a good time, so feel free to ignore anything I have to say here and write what you want (paying attention to what is really DNW for me; more on that below.)
My likes: hurt/comfort. Witty banter. Loyalty to the end. Silliness and fluff. Darkness and angst (though for Yuletide I prefer my angst have a happy ending.) Gen. Slash. Het. Well-done poly relationships. AUs. Crossovers. Well-done exploration of power dynamics, both sexual and non-sexual. Fic about academics. Fic about outsiders finding a place to belong. Friends to lovers. Enemies to lovers. WRT sex, plese be as explicit or not as you want--I love sex scenes, but I also love gen with no sex whatsoever, and anything in between!
( Read more... )
Thud: The Poet's Star
May. 25th, 2013 02:56 amWords: 516 today, slightly over 500 the other day.
Total: 18269
Tyop: none
Darling: "Natrian promised me he would have [your bedroom] decorated, but he has the aesthetic sense of a scholar, which is to say none whatsoever. He seemed to think books sufficed for ornament." Lisrae did not entirely disagree with this opinion.
Mean things: Class issues. Feeling like a petty jerk because you were one.
Reason for stopping: way too much worldbuilding work to do. I think tomorrow is going to be a day for the longhand notebook; I really have to figure some of this stuff out.
Things my characters haven't told me: all the things. Gah. Most notably how research works.
Other writing-related work: sent my bio into the journalism school and changed my twitter bio to reflect that I am going to journalism school. (Hey, did I mention I start my MJ in September?) This more than anything caused massive freakout.
Books in progress: I read? When this story has eaten my brain?
Total: 18269
Tyop: none
Darling: "Natrian promised me he would have [your bedroom] decorated, but he has the aesthetic sense of a scholar, which is to say none whatsoever. He seemed to think books sufficed for ornament." Lisrae did not entirely disagree with this opinion.
Mean things: Class issues. Feeling like a petty jerk because you were one.
Reason for stopping: way too much worldbuilding work to do. I think tomorrow is going to be a day for the longhand notebook; I really have to figure some of this stuff out.
Things my characters haven't told me: all the things. Gah. Most notably how research works.
Other writing-related work: sent my bio into the journalism school and changed my twitter bio to reflect that I am going to journalism school. (Hey, did I mention I start my MJ in September?) This more than anything caused massive freakout.
Books in progress: I read? When this story has eaten my brain?
Thud: The Poet's Star
May. 20th, 2013 09:58 pmWords: 287
Total: 17218
Reason for stopping: beachball of doom. Also this was like pulling teeth. Adorable is not my strong point.
Tyop: gathering dada
Darling: n/a
Mean things: Intimidating adults catching you being immature. Conversely, overly exuberant children.
Nice things: beds that are excellent for jumping up and down. Teachers who respect your right to self-determination.
Things my characters haven't told me: all the stuff on the previous lists plus the difference between casual and semiformal dress.
Books in progress: Iain M. Banks, Use of Weapons
Total: 17218
Reason for stopping: beachball of doom. Also this was like pulling teeth. Adorable is not my strong point.
Tyop: gathering dada
Darling: n/a
Mean things: Intimidating adults catching you being immature. Conversely, overly exuberant children.
Nice things: beds that are excellent for jumping up and down. Teachers who respect your right to self-determination.
Things my characters haven't told me: all the stuff on the previous lists plus the difference between casual and semiformal dress.
Books in progress: Iain M. Banks, Use of Weapons
Thud: The Poet's Star
May. 20th, 2013 01:41 amWords: ~1100ish (I was all over the file and don't feel like going to the trouble of doing an accurate count.)
Total: 16930.
Reason for stopping: social time with almost-sister.
Tyop: n/a
Darling: The kiss was sweet and yielding, a gentle invitation instead of a challenge, and Thesarien could read it as easily as he could Natrian’s face: Yes, it said. I love you as you are, all of you, even the parts that make you despair. Take me if that is your wish, and be the man you are; I am yours in this as in all things. Nothing could have infuriated Thesarien more.
Mean things: Your spouse calling you out on your bullshit in the way that only the person closest to you can. Internalized homophobia.
Nice things: Moving into a new place and finding out someone has considerately filled your bookshelf for you. Best. Day. Ever.
Things my characters haven't told me: how everyone manages to take half a year off at this stage of their lives. The composition of the Mavirae household. How Baby's First Magic Lesson works. How Thesarien escaped Weyren. Whether I need to know how Thesarien escaped Weyren.
Books in progress: Iain M. Banks, Use of Weapons.
Total: 16930.
Reason for stopping: social time with almost-sister.
Tyop: n/a
Darling: The kiss was sweet and yielding, a gentle invitation instead of a challenge, and Thesarien could read it as easily as he could Natrian’s face: Yes, it said. I love you as you are, all of you, even the parts that make you despair. Take me if that is your wish, and be the man you are; I am yours in this as in all things. Nothing could have infuriated Thesarien more.
Mean things: Your spouse calling you out on your bullshit in the way that only the person closest to you can. Internalized homophobia.
Nice things: Moving into a new place and finding out someone has considerately filled your bookshelf for you. Best. Day. Ever.
Things my characters haven't told me: how everyone manages to take half a year off at this stage of their lives. The composition of the Mavirae household. How Baby's First Magic Lesson works. How Thesarien escaped Weyren. Whether I need to know how Thesarien escaped Weyren.
Books in progress: Iain M. Banks, Use of Weapons.
Thud: The Poet's Star
May. 19th, 2013 12:26 amSo since this is supposed to be my summer of taking writing seriously, I thought I'd start doing progress reports here as a way to keep myself honest. This is the novella that I used to call "Defender of the House," but really I can't think of it as anything other than "Lisrae Has Two Daddies." It's about families of choice coming together through tragedy, and no one will ever want to read it, but I like it. It has snarky historians and prickly poets, anyway, so that's a win.
Words: 394.
Total: 15798 (good lord)
Reason for stopping: bed.
Tyop: n/a
Darling: none. Fear not, though, these are some pretty sarcastic characters, so there should usually be some entertaining quips in this section.
Mean things: Telepathy. Knowing your life is no longer your own, and not knowing just yet what that means.
Things my characters haven't told me: how everyone manages to take half a year off at this stage of their lives. The composition of the Mavirae household. How Baby's First Magic Lesson works.
Books in progress: Iain M. Banks, Use of Weapons.
Words: 394.
Total: 15798 (good lord)
Reason for stopping: bed.
Tyop: n/a
Darling: none. Fear not, though, these are some pretty sarcastic characters, so there should usually be some entertaining quips in this section.
Mean things: Telepathy. Knowing your life is no longer your own, and not knowing just yet what that means.
Things my characters haven't told me: how everyone manages to take half a year off at this stage of their lives. The composition of the Mavirae household. How Baby's First Magic Lesson works.
Books in progress: Iain M. Banks, Use of Weapons.
public accountability and metrics
Dec. 19th, 2012 12:50 amOkay. So, I am home for the holidays, and for some reason I have more work to do than ever. No idea why this is, but I thought I'd post my to-do list, just for public accountability. (Seriously, how do I have this much to do? This was supposed to be my year off.)
Lots of changes in my life, most of which I am too tired to chronicle here. Long story short, I am back in ottawa, and look to be staying there permanently, or at least in the long term. I have spent the semester floundering around, trying to figure out what's next. I think I've managed. More on that later.
So, by Jan 8th
Writing, fiction
-Yuletide fic (current threat level: Bears!!!)
-Christmas present novelettes "Defender of the House and "Ornament of the Worlds," (Andorel Phai backstory)
School:
-Outstanding paper, 10 pages
-last of the grant paperwork
-TA job application
-Research for supervisor
-Grad school application and assembly of portfolio, time permitting
Writing, non-fiction
-book review, on spec
-Contracted interviews for blog (3)
-at least 1 pitch and/or WWC blog post
Doesn't seem like a lot when I've written it out here, but I will have to spend every day of the holiday at my computer. Oh well. At least I like what I'm doing?
Have some metrics:
"Defender of the House"
Words today: 1711
Words total: 4398
Tyop du jour: nothing interesting
Darling du jour, completely context free: She had about a hundred [questions], from What’s a Worldcharter? and How do you start a weather regulation system? to Will you hurt me very often?
Mean things: The privileges and pitfalls of rank. One's parents disagreeing with one's life choices. One's teacher refusing to answer one's perfectly reasonable questions. Institutionalized slavery. Being unable to see what is right in front of one's face. Having responsibility for the first time.
Nice things: Sometimes you draw a lucky card in the institutionalized slavery lottery. Having a teacher who likes smartasses.
Sustenance: bacon
Lots of changes in my life, most of which I am too tired to chronicle here. Long story short, I am back in ottawa, and look to be staying there permanently, or at least in the long term. I have spent the semester floundering around, trying to figure out what's next. I think I've managed. More on that later.
So, by Jan 8th
Writing, fiction
-Christmas present novelettes "Defender of the House and "Ornament of the Worlds," (Andorel Phai backstory)
School:
-Outstanding paper, 10 pages
-last of the grant paperwork
-Research for supervisor
-Grad school application and assembly of portfolio, time permitting
Writing, non-fiction
-book review, on spec
-Contracted interviews for blog (3)
-at least 1 pitch and/or WWC blog post
Doesn't seem like a lot when I've written it out here, but I will have to spend every day of the holiday at my computer. Oh well. At least I like what I'm doing?
Have some metrics:
"Defender of the House"
Words today: 1711
Words total: 4398
Tyop du jour: nothing interesting
Darling du jour, completely context free: She had about a hundred [questions], from What’s a Worldcharter? and How do you start a weather regulation system? to Will you hurt me very often?
Mean things: The privileges and pitfalls of rank. One's parents disagreeing with one's life choices. One's teacher refusing to answer one's perfectly reasonable questions. Institutionalized slavery. Being unable to see what is right in front of one's face. Having responsibility for the first time.
Nice things: Sometimes you draw a lucky card in the institutionalized slavery lottery. Having a teacher who likes smartasses.
Sustenance: bacon
dear yuletide writer 2012
Oct. 20th, 2012 09:23 pmHello, Yuletide Writer
(warning: long letter is long)
Thank you so much for writing in one of these really tiny fandoms! I'm sure I will love anything you write, and if you have something planned out, please feel free to ignore my ramblings. One thing I'd like to say from the outset, though, is that I've had a really tough year, and I'd really appreciate something with a happy or hopeful ending. Usually I am Princess Angsty McAngstMuffin of Angstland, and please feel free to have as much angst as you like in the story itself, but yeah, really bad year. I would love to have something that leaves me with the feeling that all the struggle is worth it in the end.
That said, here's some things I like in general, mostly copied from last year's letter:
Well-crafted dialogue
Witty banter
Hurt/comfort (though as a trauma survivor and friend of trauma survivors, I am VERY PICKY about this. I need at least an attempt at realism to feel okay about it.)
AUs of any type, whether it's the 'one small decision changes everything' type, or, well, Rachel Maddow and Ezra Kliuen as space pirates (for which see below)
Happy endings that are well-earned
Porn with plot
Plot with porn
Angst
Historical accuracy
BDSM themes/anything to do with power exchange or shifting power dynamics--especially shifting power dynamics, actually. If you have a character that is the Domliest Dom that ever Dommed *and the narrative never examines this* I will probably roll my eyes a lot
Character studies
Stories that pass the Bechdel test
Worldbuilding
Humour
Things I don't like in general
Endings that are irredeemably bleak
Gender-swapping
Mpreg
Using trauma as an impetus for a character to get together with her one Twu Wuv
Gratuitous rape
Overly fluffy things. I like my romances to have an edge
Damage to eyes
Damage to tongues
Disabled characters that exist in any way to Inspire! others.
Erasure of bisexuality/other sexual identities
Cross-species relationships (no Elizabeth/Dragon sex, I beg of you.)
Middle Ages-bashing
Now onto my specific requests:
Captive Prince--Freece (Laurent/Damen)
My Prompt: I would love either Laurent's POV on anything that has happened in the story so far, or some sort of Captive Prince AU--the relationship between the main characters is so intense that I'd love to see how it translates into another setting. But really all I want for yuletide is Laurent. Lots and lots of Laurent.
Basically either Laurent POV or Laurent-centric is what I'd like here. Laurent is such a fascinating character and I'd love to know what goes on inside his head. As far as whether Laurent Knows or not, my personal position is that he does and has all along, especially after the end of Part II. But if you think otherwise, feel free to explore how that might look. As far as AUs go, I'd love to see what might have happened if both Auguste and Damen had survived. But if you want to go completely crackfic and write, like, a Laurent/Damen high school AU or something that's fine too.
For those of you who don't know, Captive Prince is a web serial and available to read completely free online. It is about Damen, Prince and heir to the throne of Akielos, who gets sold into slavery by his evil half brother. He ends up the slave of Prince Laurent of Rabat, a magnificent bastard and incredibly well-drawn abuse survivor. Hijinks ensue. The first chapter is here: http://freece.livejournal.com/35519.html.
Closing Time: Leonard Cohen song
My Prompt: The Gates of Love they budged an inch/I can't say much has happened since..." Look, if you had the balls to offer this song, you probably already have an awesome idea, so just go with that. I'd love to see this in an SFnal or post-apocalyptic setting. Just tell me what is going on here!
Not much to say other than that. The important thing with this one is to have fun with it and let your imagination run wild! The music video is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-0lV5qs1Qw
Pundit RPF (US) (Rachel Maddow and Ezra Klein)
My Prompt: I would love to see these two in a completely platonic mentor-student relationship where each thinks the other is just fabulous. PLEASE DO NOT MAKE RACHEL STRAIGHT I MEAN IT. If you were to bring in Lawrence being wonderfully bitchy, that would also be awesome. AUs are also totally awesome here. Rachel and Ezra in space! Rachel and Ezra kidnapped by pirates! Rachel and Ezra Regency AU! Rachel and Ezra in poisontaster's Keptverse or something like it---Ezra is pretty enough to be a body-slave, and they would totally both get involved in the abolitionist movement! Rachel and Ezra as Jedi! The possibilities are endless. But if you want to play it straight (heh), that's fine too, as long as there is no icky sex between them.
This is my first time requesting RPF and I'm kind of nervous about it. I focused on AUs in the prompt because I have no idea how the election is going to go, and if it goes the bad way, I don't know how you'd write an uplifting fic. This is not to say real life isn't welcome, it's just I don't know where you would go with it. (For those of you who want an idea of my politics beyond the fact that I watch MSNBC enough to be fannish about it, I'm Canadian and Romney fills me with such horror and distaste he makes me long for the simpler days of Bush the Lesser. At least I felt like Bush believed what he said some of the time.) If you do go RL, if Lawrence O'Donnell could actually get in a fistfight with Tagg Romney, that would be awesome beyond description. (Can you tell I wish Lawrence were on the nominated characters list?)
If you don't know what I mean by 'poisontaster's Keptverse,' well. The main fic is A Kept Boy, a Supernatural slavefic AU, and if you liked Captive Prince, you'll probably like it. It is not a happy slavefic world--it exists in more of the grim future I imagine if, well, Romney gets elected and hands everything over to the plutocrats, and then that trend doesn't stop. (The divergent point in history is fairly clearly the Great Depression, and the consequences of that aren't pretty.) You don't need any knowledge of Supernatural to read it--I don't have any. The masterpost is here: http://poisontaster.livejournal.com/417962.html#cutid1. Trigger warnings: chld sexual abuse, mentions of rape, violence, suicide, and forced starvation, drug use, Tom Cruise, the 1%.)
I mention this story in part because it's the only RPS verse I've ever liked, and also because it's a springboard for me to talk about sexuality. As I said above, I really don't want straight!Rachel. And yet, I have no problem reading JDM/Jensen Ackles, even though I'm fairly sure neither are gay in RL. As well, if you wanted to write Ezra/Chris Hayes slash, say, as part of the larger story, I would read the shit out of that, cause who wouldn't? But I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of erasing the sexuality of an openly lesbian woman. I'm not sure why, but there it is. As well, I think fandom needs more fics about friends, and it's pretty clear to me that these two are. (please don't feel you have to go with anything power-dynamicy here, I just offer it as an example of something I've liked, plus the idea of Rachel and Ezra as revolutionaries makes me smile.) I woud just mainly love to see anything at all where they are supportive and encouraging of each other, and recognize the other's great intellectual gifts.
Rachel Maddow is the anchor of the Rachel Maddow Show, which has the primetime spot on MSNBC. Their website is http://maddowblog.msnbc.com/. Ezra Klein is an MSNBC contributor and the main writer of the Washington Post blog Wonkbook: http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/ezra-klein/. They may be followed on Twitter @maddow and @ezraklein.
The Paper Bag Princess--Robert Munsch. (Princess Elizabeth and the Dragon)
My Prompt: have always, always wanted the fic where Elizabeth goes back to the dragon and they have adventures. If you write it for me, I will love you forever.
Tread carefully with this one, it's my childhood, and one of the books that most shaped my character as an adult. It made me a feminist. I love Princess Elizabeth and the Dragon, and I'd love to see what happens if they meet in the future. Should contain copious amounts of Elizabeth being awesome. Have fun with it.
Thank you so much, dear Yuletide writer! I can't wait to see what you create.
(warning: long letter is long)
Thank you so much for writing in one of these really tiny fandoms! I'm sure I will love anything you write, and if you have something planned out, please feel free to ignore my ramblings. One thing I'd like to say from the outset, though, is that I've had a really tough year, and I'd really appreciate something with a happy or hopeful ending. Usually I am Princess Angsty McAngstMuffin of Angstland, and please feel free to have as much angst as you like in the story itself, but yeah, really bad year. I would love to have something that leaves me with the feeling that all the struggle is worth it in the end.
That said, here's some things I like in general, mostly copied from last year's letter:
Well-crafted dialogue
Witty banter
Hurt/comfort (though as a trauma survivor and friend of trauma survivors, I am VERY PICKY about this. I need at least an attempt at realism to feel okay about it.)
AUs of any type, whether it's the 'one small decision changes everything' type, or, well, Rachel Maddow and Ezra Kliuen as space pirates (for which see below)
Happy endings that are well-earned
Porn with plot
Plot with porn
Angst
Historical accuracy
BDSM themes/anything to do with power exchange or shifting power dynamics--especially shifting power dynamics, actually. If you have a character that is the Domliest Dom that ever Dommed *and the narrative never examines this* I will probably roll my eyes a lot
Character studies
Stories that pass the Bechdel test
Worldbuilding
Humour
Things I don't like in general
Endings that are irredeemably bleak
Gender-swapping
Mpreg
Using trauma as an impetus for a character to get together with her one Twu Wuv
Gratuitous rape
Overly fluffy things. I like my romances to have an edge
Damage to eyes
Damage to tongues
Disabled characters that exist in any way to Inspire! others.
Erasure of bisexuality/other sexual identities
Cross-species relationships (no Elizabeth/Dragon sex, I beg of you.)
Middle Ages-bashing
Now onto my specific requests:
Captive Prince--Freece (Laurent/Damen)
My Prompt: I would love either Laurent's POV on anything that has happened in the story so far, or some sort of Captive Prince AU--the relationship between the main characters is so intense that I'd love to see how it translates into another setting. But really all I want for yuletide is Laurent. Lots and lots of Laurent.
Basically either Laurent POV or Laurent-centric is what I'd like here. Laurent is such a fascinating character and I'd love to know what goes on inside his head. As far as whether Laurent Knows or not, my personal position is that he does and has all along, especially after the end of Part II. But if you think otherwise, feel free to explore how that might look. As far as AUs go, I'd love to see what might have happened if both Auguste and Damen had survived. But if you want to go completely crackfic and write, like, a Laurent/Damen high school AU or something that's fine too.
For those of you who don't know, Captive Prince is a web serial and available to read completely free online. It is about Damen, Prince and heir to the throne of Akielos, who gets sold into slavery by his evil half brother. He ends up the slave of Prince Laurent of Rabat, a magnificent bastard and incredibly well-drawn abuse survivor. Hijinks ensue. The first chapter is here: http://freece.livejournal.com/35519.html.
Closing Time: Leonard Cohen song
My Prompt: The Gates of Love they budged an inch/I can't say much has happened since..." Look, if you had the balls to offer this song, you probably already have an awesome idea, so just go with that. I'd love to see this in an SFnal or post-apocalyptic setting. Just tell me what is going on here!
Not much to say other than that. The important thing with this one is to have fun with it and let your imagination run wild! The music video is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-0lV5qs1Qw
Pundit RPF (US) (Rachel Maddow and Ezra Klein)
My Prompt: I would love to see these two in a completely platonic mentor-student relationship where each thinks the other is just fabulous. PLEASE DO NOT MAKE RACHEL STRAIGHT I MEAN IT. If you were to bring in Lawrence being wonderfully bitchy, that would also be awesome. AUs are also totally awesome here. Rachel and Ezra in space! Rachel and Ezra kidnapped by pirates! Rachel and Ezra Regency AU! Rachel and Ezra in poisontaster's Keptverse or something like it---Ezra is pretty enough to be a body-slave, and they would totally both get involved in the abolitionist movement! Rachel and Ezra as Jedi! The possibilities are endless. But if you want to play it straight (heh), that's fine too, as long as there is no icky sex between them.
This is my first time requesting RPF and I'm kind of nervous about it. I focused on AUs in the prompt because I have no idea how the election is going to go, and if it goes the bad way, I don't know how you'd write an uplifting fic. This is not to say real life isn't welcome, it's just I don't know where you would go with it. (For those of you who want an idea of my politics beyond the fact that I watch MSNBC enough to be fannish about it, I'm Canadian and Romney fills me with such horror and distaste he makes me long for the simpler days of Bush the Lesser. At least I felt like Bush believed what he said some of the time.) If you do go RL, if Lawrence O'Donnell could actually get in a fistfight with Tagg Romney, that would be awesome beyond description. (Can you tell I wish Lawrence were on the nominated characters list?)
If you don't know what I mean by 'poisontaster's Keptverse,' well. The main fic is A Kept Boy, a Supernatural slavefic AU, and if you liked Captive Prince, you'll probably like it. It is not a happy slavefic world--it exists in more of the grim future I imagine if, well, Romney gets elected and hands everything over to the plutocrats, and then that trend doesn't stop. (The divergent point in history is fairly clearly the Great Depression, and the consequences of that aren't pretty.) You don't need any knowledge of Supernatural to read it--I don't have any. The masterpost is here: http://poisontaster.livejournal.com/417962.html#cutid1. Trigger warnings: chld sexual abuse, mentions of rape, violence, suicide, and forced starvation, drug use, Tom Cruise, the 1%.)
I mention this story in part because it's the only RPS verse I've ever liked, and also because it's a springboard for me to talk about sexuality. As I said above, I really don't want straight!Rachel. And yet, I have no problem reading JDM/Jensen Ackles, even though I'm fairly sure neither are gay in RL. As well, if you wanted to write Ezra/Chris Hayes slash, say, as part of the larger story, I would read the shit out of that, cause who wouldn't? But I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of erasing the sexuality of an openly lesbian woman. I'm not sure why, but there it is. As well, I think fandom needs more fics about friends, and it's pretty clear to me that these two are. (please don't feel you have to go with anything power-dynamicy here, I just offer it as an example of something I've liked, plus the idea of Rachel and Ezra as revolutionaries makes me smile.) I woud just mainly love to see anything at all where they are supportive and encouraging of each other, and recognize the other's great intellectual gifts.
Rachel Maddow is the anchor of the Rachel Maddow Show, which has the primetime spot on MSNBC. Their website is http://maddowblog.msnbc.com/. Ezra Klein is an MSNBC contributor and the main writer of the Washington Post blog Wonkbook: http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/ezra-klein/. They may be followed on Twitter @maddow and @ezraklein.
The Paper Bag Princess--Robert Munsch. (Princess Elizabeth and the Dragon)
My Prompt: have always, always wanted the fic where Elizabeth goes back to the dragon and they have adventures. If you write it for me, I will love you forever.
Tread carefully with this one, it's my childhood, and one of the books that most shaped my character as an adult. It made me a feminist. I love Princess Elizabeth and the Dragon, and I'd love to see what happens if they meet in the future. Should contain copious amounts of Elizabeth being awesome. Have fun with it.
Thank you so much, dear Yuletide writer! I can't wait to see what you create.
Things I need to do
May. 31st, 2012 02:36 pm-finish final paper
-finish short story
-finish housing documentation
-book flight home
-translation work
Things I don't need to do:
-three Vorkosigan fanfics, one of which is a fanfic of a fanfic
Guess which files are open on my computer right now?
-finish short story
-finish housing documentation
-book flight home
-translation work
Things I don't need to do:
-three Vorkosigan fanfics, one of which is a fanfic of a fanfic
Guess which files are open on my computer right now?
More progress, but on Lairelle
Apr. 25th, 2012 09:43 pmSo, the new novel spawned words on the old novel. Maybe working on two projects at once is the way to go. When I get stuck on or bored with one, I can move to the other.
That Book About Lairelle
Words today: 767
Words total: Oh, I have no idea anymore, the thing is spread out across too many files.
Reason for stopping: I can't find a way into this difficult conversation.
Tyop du jour: to berak the fall
Darling du jour:
That Book About Lairelle
Words today: 767
Words total: Oh, I have no idea anymore, the thing is spread out across too many files.
Reason for stopping: I can't find a way into this difficult conversation.
Tyop du jour: to berak the fall
Darling du jour:
Only...she really did have to relieve herself. There was no way, no matter what had happened to her, that she was going to let herself wet the bed like some newly-Repudiated, Fever-ridden cripple. She would just have to find a cleansing room and get in and out before anyone noticed her. Lairelle got up on her elbow and tried to move herself into a sitting position, but a deep, throbbing pain just below her stomach stopped her, and she fell back onto the pillow.
All right. This was going to be a problem.
Mean things: Having to go pee while being unable to move. Total disorientation. Muscle atrophy. Trauma. Stab wounds. Making an idiot of oneself.
The glamour!: Liz ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
hawkwing_lb and I had a long discussion about stab wounds today, which led to some truly horrifying research on disembowelment. I don't even want to link to it here, but if you feel like being horrified and possibly losing your lunch? Google Abigail Taylor. (NSFW. Or life. Or sanity.)
Things needing names: all the servants
Other stuff done today: Returned library books. Registered for summer Latin class. Made sure I was getting the last bit of my scholarship. A bit of reading. Doesn't seem like much, but all of it was anxiety-inducing.
Return of the Progress Notes
Apr. 24th, 2012 07:14 pmWell. Looks like I just grew a new novel. It came to me in a dream (literally.)
Untitled YA Debtors' Prison/Reality TV Thing
Words today: 1146
Words total: 1146
Reason for Stopping: food needed, and homework
Tyop: out exercise yard
Darling:[The guard] told me his name once too. It's Nikos. I don't even let myself think it most of the time, let alone call him by it like he asked. If anyone ever found out he'd get fired, and then...well. He's only working here to pay off his own debt, and if he loses this job, I might see him again, but only when I watch the chain gangs march out from across the yard.
Mean things: Being in prison since the day she was born, with no hope to ever get out. Asshole guards. Unexplained summons to the Warden's office. The guy she likes is completely inappropriate. Gang rivalry.
Inside jokes: the warden is an alumnus of both UofT and Carleton.
Things needing names: A production company. Protagonist's family members. Rival gang members. The prison.
Well. That was fun.
Untitled YA Debtors' Prison/Reality TV Thing
Words today: 1146
Words total: 1146
Reason for Stopping: food needed, and homework
Tyop: out exercise yard
Darling:[The guard] told me his name once too. It's Nikos. I don't even let myself think it most of the time, let alone call him by it like he asked. If anyone ever found out he'd get fired, and then...well. He's only working here to pay off his own debt, and if he loses this job, I might see him again, but only when I watch the chain gangs march out from across the yard.
Mean things: Being in prison since the day she was born, with no hope to ever get out. Asshole guards. Unexplained summons to the Warden's office. The guy she likes is completely inappropriate. Gang rivalry.
Inside jokes: the warden is an alumnus of both UofT and Carleton.
Things needing names: A production company. Protagonist's family members. Rival gang members. The prison.
Well. That was fun.
(x-posted to my FB)
Dear Ontario,
We have a problem.
Don't get me wrong, I am mostly very happy with my adopted province. Sure, there are a few little kinks to work out, such as the fact that you consider little teeny hills to be 'mountains' and that Remembrance Day is not a stat holiday but something stupid called "Family Day" is. But all in all, you and I get along great. However, since I moved here, I have been made aware of an extremely grave and serious issue. I'm sorry, Ontario, but I just can't take it anymore. We need to talk.
Ontario, your nachos suck.
Since I moved here, I have sampled many plates of nachos, and I've noticed some common mistakes. Allow me to list them for you, so we can work toward a more productive relationship in the future.
1. Nachos should be baked.
Nachos are meant to be baked, so the cheese bubbles nicely and the chips turn brown around the edges. They should not be tossed on a plate and microwaved for 2 minutes. This makes them soggy and gross.
2. Salsa goes on the side.
This is a uniquely Ontarian folly. In Ontario, people smother the chips in salsa before baking them. This drowns out the other flavours and completely ruins the integrity of the chip. It is much better to put lots of salsa on the side, so that diners can adjust their salsa proportions to their liking.
3. Jalapenos are not optional.
This is not to say that people cannot have nachos without them if if they want, but if you are going to serve nachos, they should always be available. Pepperoncini or whatever else are not an appropriate substitute.
4. Just say no to fake cheese.
This one is self-explanatory, but I'm especially mad at those places that have real cheese and 'cheese' 'sauce'. You think you're digging in to a nice plate of nachos, and then you get a mouth full of plastic grossness. I'm looking at you, Bedford Academy.
5. Celery and lettuce do not go on nachos.
...I don't even have anything to say about this. No. Just no.
I'm glad we had this talk, Ontario. Please keep these guidelines in mind in the future.
Signed,
A Concerned Citizen
Shameless self-promotion
Mar. 23rd, 2012 08:42 pmPosting to this journal to pimp my new disability blog. I am not abandoning LJ, but posts will continue to be infrequent, at least until I finish grad school and have time to work on stories again. In the meantime, I will try to update over here: http://worldsworstcripple.blogspot.ca/. I hope you will stop by and say hello there!
dreams and failure, and narratives thereof
Dec. 3rd, 2011 10:12 pm"The one thing you can't trade for your heart's desire is your heart."--LMB
We as a culture seem to be obsessed with dreams, with pursuing them, with putting everything on the line for them. Never give up, we hear, until we hit a certain age and our parents start telling us to scale back, be reasonable, get a good job and settle down. And yet, our heroes are the ones who don't, who push on, who achieve the impossible.
I am tired. I want to go home.
But it's okay to fail, we are reminded, as long as we try our hardest, as long as we give everything we have to the dream, push ourselves beyond the limit of endurance. If we do that, we will not have failed, even if we don't achieve our goal.
But if we don't want to pay the cost...well.
I have realized I don't want to pay the cost. I love being a scholar, very much. I love what I am studying even more. But it's not worth the loss of my dignity, the breakdown of my body, the neglect I have been forced to endure. It's not worth no showers for four months, not worth sitting in my own waste, sometimes for hours on end.
I am tired.
I want this. But the biggest dream for me has always been the most unattainable: a little, quiet house somewhere, with a boy with kind eyes and a few rescue cats. An herb garden, maybe. Books, certainly. I am turning into a person I don't recognize, who will not be able to enjoy that life even if she does get it.
It's just, I'm not used to giving up. To failing at something I wanted. If I failed, I thought it would be before this, in the planning stages. I came close, several times. I have failed before, that's for sure. Been disappointed in myself. But not like this, not deciding that this thing I wanted is not worth the price,
But I am tired. I want to go home.
I am also angry. My whole life I was taught that anger is bad, and now I see it can be productive, if you use it and don't let it use you. I never wanted to be an advocate. Now I am beginning to see I have no choice. I wanted for it not to be necessary, I guess.
This is rambling. I guess my question is, when is it giving up, and when is it starting over? Can it be both at the same time? I nee some guidance here, to learn how to fail. I am a helicopter child, carefully shielded from failure and brought up to believe in the crystalline snowflakery of her won brilliance. Is there a book somewhere? A map? A manual for how to do this gracefully, without being eaten live with resentmentlike my mother? Inquiring minds want to know.
We as a culture seem to be obsessed with dreams, with pursuing them, with putting everything on the line for them. Never give up, we hear, until we hit a certain age and our parents start telling us to scale back, be reasonable, get a good job and settle down. And yet, our heroes are the ones who don't, who push on, who achieve the impossible.
I am tired. I want to go home.
But it's okay to fail, we are reminded, as long as we try our hardest, as long as we give everything we have to the dream, push ourselves beyond the limit of endurance. If we do that, we will not have failed, even if we don't achieve our goal.
But if we don't want to pay the cost...well.
I have realized I don't want to pay the cost. I love being a scholar, very much. I love what I am studying even more. But it's not worth the loss of my dignity, the breakdown of my body, the neglect I have been forced to endure. It's not worth no showers for four months, not worth sitting in my own waste, sometimes for hours on end.
I am tired.
I want this. But the biggest dream for me has always been the most unattainable: a little, quiet house somewhere, with a boy with kind eyes and a few rescue cats. An herb garden, maybe. Books, certainly. I am turning into a person I don't recognize, who will not be able to enjoy that life even if she does get it.
It's just, I'm not used to giving up. To failing at something I wanted. If I failed, I thought it would be before this, in the planning stages. I came close, several times. I have failed before, that's for sure. Been disappointed in myself. But not like this, not deciding that this thing I wanted is not worth the price,
But I am tired. I want to go home.
I am also angry. My whole life I was taught that anger is bad, and now I see it can be productive, if you use it and don't let it use you. I never wanted to be an advocate. Now I am beginning to see I have no choice. I wanted for it not to be necessary, I guess.
This is rambling. I guess my question is, when is it giving up, and when is it starting over? Can it be both at the same time? I nee some guidance here, to learn how to fail. I am a helicopter child, carefully shielded from failure and brought up to believe in the crystalline snowflakery of her won brilliance. Is there a book somewhere? A map? A manual for how to do this gracefully, without being eaten live with resentment
Dear Yuletide Writer
Nov. 20th, 2011 07:19 pmHi, Yuletide writer! Thank you so much for writing a story for me! Normally I don't post a letter, because I want my writer to feel free to do whatever s/he wants, but thought I'd try it this year. Don't worry, I'm sure I will love whatever you write.
Things I like in general
Well-crafted dialogue
Witty banter
Hurt/comfort that is at least somewhat realistic
AUs of any type
Happy endings that are well-earned
Bittersweet endings with a glimmer of hope
Porn with plot
Plot with porn
Angst
Historical accuracy
BDSM themes/anything to do with power exchange or shifting power dynamics
Character studies
Stories that pass the Bechdel test
Things I don't like in general
Endings that are irredeemably bleak
Gender-swapping
Mpreg
Using trauma as an impetus for a character to get together with her one Twu Wuv
Gratuitous rape
Overly fluffy things. I like my romances to have an edge
Now on to my specific requests
Request 1--Slave Breakers (Yves, Alix/Greta, Valor)
I love the Slave Breakers universe, but think the girls get seriously short shrift. I would love any story that deals with Alix and Greta's relationship. I gave the prompt of their relationship with Valor, but if you are not a Valor fan, as I know many are not, don't feel you have to include her in more than a minor role. I would love to know how they deal with Greta's freedom. Or something from the early days of their relationship--what is it that draws them together?
If girls don't float your boat, a story about Yves at university would be amazing. I would love to see Yves falling in love with someone else, maybe a professor. I knowmaculategiraffe has said that he will remain faithful to Holden, but I can't see him not being tempted by someone who is truly his intellectual equal. If you go this route, please don't break up Yves and Holden. Ideally, this would end happily, with the new person being welcomed into the family. However, basically anything about Yves finding out who he is as a free man would make me happy.
The entire Slave Breakers canon may be found at: http://maculategiraffe.livejournal.com/10338.html.
Request 2--Classical Philosophy RPF (Plato/Aristotle)
Basically what it says on the tin. Anything at all about them would make me happy. If you could incorporate as much of the philosophy as possible into it, I would be overjoyed. I would love a slashy setup where Aristotle is in love/hero worship with Plato, but Plato has always been grieving for Socrates blahblahblahangstcakes, but if you want to just have them talking about philosophy, that would be awesome too. Basically anything with them interacting.
My favourite Platonic dialogues are the Republic and Timaeus, and my favourite work of Aristotle is the Ethics. I am fond of both philosophers, but admit to a preference for Aristotle.
The Dialogues of Plato: http://www.classicallibrary.org/plato/dialogues/ Note: There are many better translations out there.
Works of Aristotle: http://onlinebooks.library.upenn.edu/webbin/book/lookupname?key=Aristotle No idea of the quality of the translation.
Request 3--Shadow Unit (Hafidha, Chaz, Daphne/Tricia)
I would like a fic where Hafidha is the main focus. I would love to see how her treatment in Idlewood progresses--it seems that she has built a fairly strong bond with her therapist since she arrived there, and am curious about how it evolved. I really want to see Hafs and Daphne interacting--it is implied that it is difficult for both, but we never see how that plays out. I would also love to see more of Hafs after Daphne's death--does she talk to Tricia at all? But really I would love anything about these four characters.
Shadow Unit: http://www.shadowunit.org/ More free online fiction!
Request 4: 12th Century CE RPF--Peter Abelard/Heloise
I love Heloise. Anything about her at any point would be amazing. I'd love to see her life in the convent, where she tries to make happiness for herself. Or her relationship with Astralabe, or that time they screwed in a church, or, or, or. I'd especially love something that shows Abelard is kind of a jerk, but why she loves him anyway. Heloise 4eva!!! LOL. One note of warning: I am a medievalist by trade, so historical inaccuracy is likely to bother me more her than it otherwise might.
The Letters of Abelard and Heloise: http://www.sacred-texts.com/chr/aah/index.htm Again, can't swear to the accuracy of the translation.
Thank you again, dear Yuetide Writer! I can't wait to see what you come up with.
-atheilen
Things I like in general
Well-crafted dialogue
Witty banter
Hurt/comfort that is at least somewhat realistic
AUs of any type
Happy endings that are well-earned
Bittersweet endings with a glimmer of hope
Porn with plot
Plot with porn
Angst
Historical accuracy
BDSM themes/anything to do with power exchange or shifting power dynamics
Character studies
Stories that pass the Bechdel test
Things I don't like in general
Endings that are irredeemably bleak
Gender-swapping
Mpreg
Using trauma as an impetus for a character to get together with her one Twu Wuv
Gratuitous rape
Overly fluffy things. I like my romances to have an edge
Now on to my specific requests
Request 1--Slave Breakers (Yves, Alix/Greta, Valor)
I love the Slave Breakers universe, but think the girls get seriously short shrift. I would love any story that deals with Alix and Greta's relationship. I gave the prompt of their relationship with Valor, but if you are not a Valor fan, as I know many are not, don't feel you have to include her in more than a minor role. I would love to know how they deal with Greta's freedom. Or something from the early days of their relationship--what is it that draws them together?
If girls don't float your boat, a story about Yves at university would be amazing. I would love to see Yves falling in love with someone else, maybe a professor. I know
maculategiraffe has said that he will remain faithful to Holden, but I can't see him not being tempted by someone who is truly his intellectual equal. If you go this route, please don't break up Yves and Holden. Ideally, this would end happily, with the new person being welcomed into the family. However, basically anything about Yves finding out who he is as a free man would make me happy.The entire Slave Breakers canon may be found at: http://maculategiraffe.livejournal.com/10338.html.
Request 2--Classical Philosophy RPF (Plato/Aristotle)
Basically what it says on the tin. Anything at all about them would make me happy. If you could incorporate as much of the philosophy as possible into it, I would be overjoyed. I would love a slashy setup where Aristotle is in love/hero worship with Plato, but Plato has always been grieving for Socrates blahblahblahangstcakes, but if you want to just have them talking about philosophy, that would be awesome too. Basically anything with them interacting.
My favourite Platonic dialogues are the Republic and Timaeus, and my favourite work of Aristotle is the Ethics. I am fond of both philosophers, but admit to a preference for Aristotle.
The Dialogues of Plato: http://www.classicallibrary.org/plato/dialogues/ Note: There are many better translations out there.
Works of Aristotle: http://onlinebooks.library.upenn.edu/webbin/book/lookupname?key=Aristotle No idea of the quality of the translation.
Request 3--Shadow Unit (Hafidha, Chaz, Daphne/Tricia)
I would like a fic where Hafidha is the main focus. I would love to see how her treatment in Idlewood progresses--it seems that she has built a fairly strong bond with her therapist since she arrived there, and am curious about how it evolved. I really want to see Hafs and Daphne interacting--it is implied that it is difficult for both, but we never see how that plays out. I would also love to see more of Hafs after Daphne's death--does she talk to Tricia at all? But really I would love anything about these four characters.
Shadow Unit: http://www.shadowunit.org/ More free online fiction!
Request 4: 12th Century CE RPF--Peter Abelard/Heloise
I love Heloise. Anything about her at any point would be amazing. I'd love to see her life in the convent, where she tries to make happiness for herself. Or her relationship with Astralabe, or that time they screwed in a church, or, or, or. I'd especially love something that shows Abelard is kind of a jerk, but why she loves him anyway. Heloise 4eva!!! LOL. One note of warning: I am a medievalist by trade, so historical inaccuracy is likely to bother me more her than it otherwise might.
The Letters of Abelard and Heloise: http://www.sacred-texts.com/chr/aah/index.htm Again, can't swear to the accuracy of the translation.
Thank you again, dear Yuetide Writer! I can't wait to see what you come up with.
-atheilen
